Haiti ICE

From a blog post One day at ICE: A Dialogue on the Philosophy of Immigration by Bryan Caplan.

You: Why are you denying me permission to travel to the U.S.?

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE] Agent: You just can’t go. End of story.

You: Why not? There’s got to be a reason.

ICE Agent: Sir, I don’t have to give you a reason.

You: This is going to ruin my life! Have you looked outside the embassy window? People here are literally eating dirt.

ICE Agent: It doesn’t matter. You can’t come, and I refuse to tell you why.

You: Well, it would have to be a pretty good reason to do something so awful to me…

ICE Agent: No comment.

You: Look, I’m not a criminal. I’m not a parasite. I’m not asking for charity. I’ve got a job and an apartment.

ICE Agent: Unfortunately, you don’t have legal permission to work at that job or live in that apartment.

You: Pleeeease just tell me the reason I can’t go home!

ICE Agent: Home, you say?

You: Uh… yea.

ICE Agent: Wait a second. You were born in the United States?

You: Yes.

ICE Agent: Oooooooooooooooooooooh! In that case, we do need to give you a good reason why you can’t come to the United States.

You: Great. So what’s your “good reason”?

ICE Agent: We don’t have one. [Briefly types on his computer.] Have a good trip home.

You: Wait a second. I was born in Miami. You’re telling me that if I was born 712 miles to the southeast here in Haiti, you would have forced me to spend the rest of my life here, eating dirt?!

ICE Agent: U.S. policy, sir.

You: Even though you don’t have any good reason to do so?

ICE Agent: Correct.

You: Even though I’m not asking for charity? Even though I’ve got an employer happy employ me and a landlord happy to house me?

ICE Agent: Exactly.

You: [Feels brief shock of moral horror, then shrugs.] Lucky for me I was born in Miami.

ICE Agent: Yep. Enjoy your flight. [Looks up at a long line of hungry Haitians.] Next!

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