Texas to Americans: stay in America
The piece originally appeared under the title Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans in The Onion, a US-based satirical publication.
Here’s how it begins:
WICHITA FALLS, TX—Calling it an essential step toward securing the Texas border and protecting his people’s way of life, Gov. Rick Perry announced Tuesday the completion of a 1,953-mile wall designed to keep out millions of unwanted Americans.
According to Perry, the 75-foot-high barricade running along the northern boundary is the culmination of more than 160 years of escalating tensions between Texas and the United States.
A relevant quote later in the article:
“As governor, it is my responsibility to do whatever’s necessary to maintain the territorial integrity of Texas,” Perry told reporters during a press conference held inside a sniper tower overlooking Oklahoma. “If you are a Texas citizen, you shouldn’t have to worry about some American coming in here, using your goods and services, and taking away your job.”
“Let the record show I have nothing personal against Americans,” Perry added. “I just think they should stay in America, where they belong.”